


In Transit

by heavysetting



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Charles A+ parenting skills, Charles is a dick, Gang Rape, Hurt/Comfort, Lelouch is fucked up, M/M, Marianne is nowhere to be found, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suzaku is a dick, this fic is trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:28:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavysetting/pseuds/heavysetting
Summary: After R1, Charles doesn’t wipe Lelouch’s memories. He disables his Geass and keeps him in the palace to keep him contained. Suzaku wants nothing to do with him at first, until he realises that the entire palace are taking their liberties a bit too far.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure, this fic is fucked up, lots of non con, unrealistic characters not acting as they would if this was canon. Please just forgive this but I wanted soul wrenching angst and pain and hurt/comfort. And rewatching the first season made me realise how to make that happen. Also a oneshot that turned into a full fledged story line - should be around 5 chapters.
> 
> P.S Suzaku is also the biggest hypocrite in the world but that’s why I love him. I’m really trying to explore his fucked up dynamic with Lelouch in this fic and hope it comes across.

Lelouch’s trial is a drawn out affair. Suzaku’s skin crawls as he’s summoned to the courtroom, not wanting anything to do with the procedural gatherings. The media had not stopped their speculation since the final battle, and their constant questions had forced him to hide in the royal palace, not wanting to deal with the outside world. Lelouch deserves to go to hell for what he did as Zero, for what he did to _Euphy_ , and they don’t need him in the room to say that. Cornelia has that covered, and from the pure hatred he had seen in her eyes when she had finally unmasked Zero, he is sure that it would be suitable enough.

Besides, he doesn’t trust the coiling anger and betrayal that is twisting through his core, doesn’t know what he quite might do when faced with Lelouch. His hands twitch, and he clenches his fists tighter, trying not to visualise a pale neck, a slender throat breaking, snapping.

“Ah just the Eleven I wanted to see.” Charles Britannia makes an imposing presence, and his tone is mocking, cruelly jovial in the circumstances. “Just in time to decide what we should do with my son.”

He gestures to Lelouch, and distantly Suzaku notices that both his eyes are purple again, blank and downcast. King Charles had found a way to disable Lelouch’s Geass, but Suzaku wanted to see the hated symbol, wanted a reminder that this man before him was no longer his friend, but instead, an imposter, a pretender playing at being king.

“Schneizel thinks we should let you have him.” Again, another cruel smile.

“I don’t want him.” Suzaku says, voice cold and emotionless. His eyes are dead, and he can barely bring himself to look at Lelouch, crumpled into a corner, chains hanging off his gaunt frame. Zero unmasked makes for a pathetic sight, and there are a number of things that Suzaku wants to do, to kill, to hurt, to maim, and he watches impassively, and does nothing.

Charles just smirks, and gestures at the guards. They drag a limp Lelouch by his collar, choking him in the process, long limbs flailing weakly. He looks like a gutted fish, and his haughty poise is nowhere to be seen. The royalty in the hall have been gathered to watch this, and from his vantage he doesn’t see any pity within their gazes. Euphemia had been greatly loved. Inwardly, Suzaku clamps down on any remaining emotion left within him. The very name bought pain and he had thought he had cried all the tears he could already.

“What do we do with blood traitors?” Charles murmurs, and part of the throne room shifts uneasily at his tone. “Are you sure you won’t have him Eleven-kun?”

Suzaku looks up at his king, emerald eyes clear and resolute.

“I couldn’t care less with what you do with him.” His voice doesn’t shake, and he makes eye contact with Lelouch, just once. “Kill him for all I care.”

*

The next few months pass peacefully. The Tokyo settlement takes time to mend, and the Black Knights remain out of sight. Slowly, Cornelia’s forces expose the rebels group by group, and Suzaku attends his missions with growing frequency. He destroys buildings, Knightmares, bases with a single-minded focus which start to gain him both worried looks from Lloyd and Cecile and the grudging respect of the military.

They treat him better when he executes his first rebel soldier. They treat him like a Britannian when it’s his thirtieth. It makes his skin crawl, knowing that that is what it takes.

He thinks he sees Lelouch sometimes, in the palace walls. He knows there has been some punishment, but the ex-prince is sometimes seen alone, seemingly free to walk around as he pleases. There’s a low growl in his gut that always starts when they encounter each other, but fortunately there has always been someone to intervene.

The news of the first escape attempt doesn’t surprise anybody in particular. Suzaku offers to capture him, but Cornelia just waves him away.

“You don’t need to waste your energy on him, Suzaku.”

The next month, he sees Lelouch walking between three guards, but his neck is chained with a metal collar. One of the guards kicks him and he falls with a pained cry, and Suzaku turns and walks the other way, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction.

*

There’s an urgent knocking at his quarters one night and it’s Nunnally. Sayoko has wheeled her here, and Suzaku peers through the eyehole. She’s in hysterics and crying, something about her brother and some men and she needs help.

Suzaku keeps the door closed.

*

Then the rumours start, insidious comments about what Charles has done exactly to punish his son. He overhears some soldiers laughing about how low the ex-prince has fallen, and something crude about his lips. There’s the standard locker room banter, only this time it isn’t little jokes about Kanon’s special relationship with Schneizel, nor is it lusting over the mechanic that transferred last week, they’re crowded over a picture that seems hastily taken, voices hushed and tinged with laughter.

Suzaku approaches them, intent on chastising them on their unprofessionalism, when he catches sight of what is on the picture.

Lelouch. His hair has been plaited crudely, and someone has take a passing stab at putting makeup on him, but the effect has been ruined by either a struggle or Lelouch himself as the lines are slightly off. He’s wearing a dress, a tight black number that is rucked up, exposing pale thighs and Suzaku is drawn back up to his face. He recognises that look, and he knows that Lelouch is one step away from tears.

He looks humiliated, angry. Terrified. There’s a silence as Suzaku steps forwards and yanks the photo away from the soldier, and ignores the yell of protest.

“This is obscene.” He says, and the soldiers look away.

That night, Suzaku touches himself, palms himself under the covers. He tries to focus on soft smiles, kind eyes and a gentle soul but all he gets is a haughty lift of the chin, wide terrified eyes, and a taut body encased in black. He feels it building, yanks his thoughts away desperately but unbidden, he slips back and it’s those terrified eyes, that trembling lip dotted with pink gloss.

He comes with a pained groan, harder than he ever has in his life.

*

He gets invited to a private military gathering, and he tries to refuse when Lloyd raps him sharply on the head. Cecile smiles at him and suggests it isn’t a bad thing that the generals are finally taking him seriously, and that it would be nice for him to at least show his face. And like that he’s sat in between an Earl and a General, sipping expensive whiskey and hoping his face doesn’t reveal how drunk he actually is. Conversation is loud, rambunctious, and despite how elegantly proceedings start off with, things always escalate.

He’s been drinking steadily all evening, feeling out of place. He notices that the gathering are all men, and he recognises a few faces from the upper gentry that he feels like he should know. He doesn’t really understand why he’s here, but the room is spinning slightly and the alcohol has numbed some of the insistent pain and emptiness he’s felt since everything and he’s content to stay for a while.

It doesn’t take long to notice that ever so often, a few men at a time will disappear off to another room, and return, adjusting their belts with self satisfied expressions. His stomach curls with disgust, and tries to ignore it when he hears the unmistakable harsh slap and a pained cry from the adjoining room. He looks around and no one pays it any heed, save for small smirks around the room. It’s not unheard of for _entertainment_ to be provided at these events, but Suzaku has never been invited to these kind of gatherings before, and he tries to pick up the thread of conversation again.

“You should try him you know.” A man places a hand on his shoulder and Suzaku jerks, as if burned. He recognises him distantly, and then through his haze of alcohol he realises it’s Luciano Bradley, and he tries to keep the dislike out of his voice.

“Not interested.”

“Don’t be too hasty,” he croons, soft in his ear. “He’s soft like a girl, cries like one too. Plus, I bet you’ve never fucked a prince before.”

There’s a sickening silence when the gears turn in Suzaku’s head, before he realises he knows exactly who is in that room.

He turns tail and runs.

*

In the morning he nurses his hangover and makes his way to the hospital wing, aware that some painkillers are sorely needed. He remembers flashes of the night, the vague feeling of horror and then a jolt of pain shoots down his spine and he tries to repress as much as he can. Business as usual.

He doesn’t notice that he walks past a small disheveled figure clutching his side, limping slowly in the opposite direction.

*

Another few months pass, and Suzaku breathes a sigh of relief. He hasn’t bumped into Lelouch in a while, and it seems like he has been disinvited from most things since his hasty departure from the last event. There’s a feeling of guilt, insidious and persistent, however every time he thinks about that night he thinks back to Euphemia, and his conscience clears. Lelouch deserves whatever comes to him, and besides, there’s no way this hasn’t been sanctioned by King Charles. No way.

He’s at a drinks reception, celebrating the release of the newest Knightmare frame, when a hand is placed on his shoulder. It’s Gino, and he looks oddly somber as he stares at him. It’s late, and most of the guests are gone, but he leans in and whispers.

“You need to follow me.” His voice is quiet, shocked, not at all characteristic and Suzaku follows.

They slide unnoticed into a side room, and the sight of it assaults his senses. Lelouch hasn’t been seen in a few months now, but he has lost even more weight than Suzaku had thought was possible, cheeks hollow and eyes covered with a thin strip of cloth. Unfortunately, he could tell how much weight he had lost because he has no clothes on, each rib jutting outwards as he was bent over a table, pounded by men in turn, his head lolled to the side, and limbs limp and positioned by another strip of cloth tied around his wrists.

Suzaku’s voice sticks in his throat, the urge for violence overtaking any rational sense and Gino places a warning hand on his shoulder.

The men finish, and take their turns to splatter their cum on him, a man yelling at Lelouch to open his mouth. It seems to take him a lot of energy and he barely has the strength to do that before it splatters over his face.

Suzaku stares, horrified, but unable to look away. There’s a man who sees him and gestures for him to come over.

“Looks like we have another customer, boys.”

There’s a moment, looking down at Lelouch’s prone form that he is tempted. Years of sexual tension, hatred and everything else swirl together and there is thunder in his ears, and the desire to destroy and maim is overwhelming.

Slowly, though Lelouch cannot see, he shifts wearily around, and parts his legs. He nestles his head in his arms, and under the music and the raucous laughter, Suzaku hears a slight hitch of breath, a choked off sob.

And like that the decision is made for him. Suzaku grabs his cloak and covers Lelouch with it. He lifts him up easily with two hands, shocked at how light he weighs and Gino fixes the protesting men with a glare. Lelouch lies limply in his arms, whole body trembling violently, but he turns his face into Suzaku’s chest to hide his face. The blindfold is wet with tears, sweat and whatever else, and Suzaku grits his teeth.

“Get out of our way, before we do something we regret.”

Suzaku is glad for Gino’s intervention. He doesn’t trust himself to speak.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Suzaku completely fails at the whole comforting thing. It’s also Lelouch’s turn to be a dick, but understandable given the circumstances.

He says his farewell to Gino in hushed tones, aware that Lelouch is lying huddled up on his couch, draped in his cloak. He hasn’t removed the blindfold yet, too afraid of the consequences to do so just quite yet, and Lelouch seems content to just lie there, breathing soft and grateful for the reprieve in his night.

“Be careful,” Gino warns, clasping his shoulder in a reassuring grip. “You’ve made some enemies tonight.”

“As have you.” Suzaku replies, glad for the support nonetheless. Truth be told he’s known about Lelouch’s predicament for a while, and he’s not sure whether it’s guilt or relief that is pulling at him. He recognises his own hypocrisy, as he’s spent the last half year running away from this situation, and he’s feeling the unpleasant tendrils of guilt wrapping around his core. It took Gino’s intervention to get himself to this place, and he owes his friend something, for at least helping him to face up to this. The sad bitter truth was that he had been content to remain ignorant, because Lelouch deserved all the pain in the world for Euphy, but all rational thought had left him the moment he had heard that hitched sob. It was one thing to remain impassive in ignorance, another when faced with reality.

“I’ll let myself out.” Gino says, turning around. “Let me know if you need some help tomorrow.”

The door shuts with a click, and Suzaku turns to face Lelouch.

He pads over softly, and Suzaku can see Lelouch stiffening with each step, tension bleeding into his posture, hands clenched into fists. It takes every fibre in his body to keep still, and when Suzaku places a hand on his shoulder, Lelouch flinches violently, breath escaping shallowly through his nostrils.

Suzaku makes an executive decision and strips the cloak covering the prone form and scoops him up, ignoring the startled cry that it elicits, depositing him gently in the bathtub. He undoes his top button and starts rolling his sleeves up when he realises Lelouch’s blindfold has slipped down, and a purple eye is regarding him warily. They stare at each other, a shocked, tense silence between the two and Lelouch’s lips quirk.

“My saviour.” He says caustically, voice hoarse. His tone is dripping in sarcasm.

Suzaku says nothing, and switches the shower spray on.

Lelouch sits still and lets Suzaku wipe away the filth and the grime away from his body with a wet towel, tipping his head back when prompted. He can feel the fragility of Lelouch’s body in his hands, feel the bones sticking out in his back behind the towel that is his barrier. Suzaku’s movements are clinical, efficient, and he only pauses when he sees the catalogue of bruises and bites on his creamy skin. There are hickeys all shapes and sizes, some that have broken skin, and a ring of bruises the shape of hands around Lelouch’s throat. It makes him angry, he realises, and he struggles to stop his hands from shaking so he clenches them into fists. Suzaku’s gaze flickers down briefly, and nestled in between a tuft of hair, he can see Lelouch’s cock, pink and soft.

He stands abruptly, and flings the wet towel at the other boy, not caring when it smacks him in the chest.

“Clean the rest of yourself up. I’ll find you some clothes to wear.”

*

Lelouch stands nervously in the corner of the room, clad in a pair of Suzaku’s sweatpants that are sitting dangerously low on his hips, and a white shirt that threatens to engulf him. His skin looks pink, scrubbed raw, but there’s a flush to his cheeks and a brightness to his eyes that makes him looks more human, more alive than the passive doll Suzaku has seen the past few months.

“Do you want the bed?” Suzaku ventures, and it’s too late before Lelouch flinches again, holding a self conscious arm around himself.

“D-do you want me to do anything?” Lelouch replies, and it takes Suzaku a few seconds before he realises what is exactly on offer. His expression darkens, and Lelouch takes a step back before he realises he has nowhere to go.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can have the couch instead.”

Lelouch shrugs, as nonchalantly as he can, and Suzaku starts to get the bedding out.

*

They spend the next few days barely speaking, eating and sleeping in silence. They don’t speak because Suzaku doesn’t trust what he has to say, and Lelouch seems to have the same idea as he picks at his food, stubbornly avoiding eye contact. If Suzaku hears muffled cries and sobs in the middle of the night then he chooses to ignore them. If anything, he knows Lelouch, how much he values his pride, and the last thing he needs is Suzaku of all people to see him at his weakest.

They’re bound together by familiarity, and mutual hatred. That is their story.

Lelouch greets him in the morning, seemingly fresh faced, despite the bags under his eyes. They eat breakfast together, and Suzaku thinks he’s made the right decision.

*

Suzaku returns at night after a long operation, weary and bone tired. Gino had spent the whole day harassing him about Lelouch - “What do you _mean_ you haven’t spoken to him yet” - and he expects to see Lelouch on the couch, only to see it is empty. There’s a slight panic, an instinctive rush to anger, but he’s surprised to see him in his bed, fast asleep and clutching the blankets. There are the remnants of fresh tears trapped in his eyelashes, fresh and glistening from the night light and Suzaku sighs and gets ready for bed, debating whether the couch is a better option.

The decision is made for him when Lelouch starts thrashing, muffled whimpers and cries of “no, don’t - _please_ ” and something painful twists in Suzaku’s gut, not liking how desperate Lelouch sounds, hating his begging, pleading tone. Lelouch is one of the proudest people he knows, and hearing this, seeing him reduced to this is maddening, painful to watch.

He climbs into bed and cradles the other boy in his lap, muttering what he hopes are soothing tones into his ear. He runs cool hands through damp hair, and Lelouch wakes with a gasp, breath escaping him shallowly.

“I’m here, Lelouch.”

Lelouch looks up at him, hesitant, and Suzaku sighs and hold his arms open, not sure what to do. They haven’t spoken at all about Zero, betrayal, Euphemia, nothing at all. All he knows is that he had acted instinctively, a moment of rash anger at the scene before him in that room, and now here he is, bearing the consequences.

Lelouch takes up his offer after a moment of hesitation. He climbs into his embrace, searching, yearning, and Suzaku is momentarily grateful that Lelouch is still wearing his shirt. He wraps his arms around him, hoping it provides some comfort and eventually Lelouch’s shaking lessens, heartbeat steadying.

  
*

In the morning, Suzaku wakes with Lelouch’s head pillowed on his chest, arms wrapped tightly around a slender waist. He’s breathing softly, expression open and relaxed, and without the trademark frown Lelouch looks much younger, more vulnerable than he ever allows himself to be in person. He shifts slightly, and suddenly Lelouch’s eyes snap open, and his whole body tenses.

Suzaku knows instinctively the truce is over and slowly they extricate themselves from each other, untangling their limbs slowly. They don’t speak, and they lie there, staring at the ceiling resolutely.

“You know this can’t last right?” Lelouch ventures, voice soft. Suzaku turns to face him, eyebrows raised in a question and Lelouch carries on, prompted. “It’s only a matter of time before my father will hear about this.”

“You can’t mean that your father had something to do with this.” Suzaku exclaims, appalled.

“Not directly, no. But the generals are under strict instruction to keep me well behaved, I guess the rape is just an added bonus.” Lelouch’s tone remains casual, bland, as if he was just talking about the weather.

“I’m sure if we seek out Princess Cornelia, or Prince Schneizel they’ll agree to help petition the King.”

Lelouch laughs, an ugly expression flitting across his face. He turns his head and Suzaku hates that narrowed expression, that contemptuous glance that reminds him so much of Zero that it hurts.

“But I killed their precious Euphemia. I doubt _they’d_ betray her memory like that by helping me escape from a few brutes in the military.”

The double edged meaning is clear. The unspoken _but you have_ lingering in the air between them. He’s pushing at him, asking a question without seeming to, one of Lelouch’s specialities. Suzaku stares at him, appalled for the second time in a few days. He doesn’t know how quite to respond, for the fear he might smash Lelouch’s smug expression off his face with his fists, and he gets up and storms out, slamming the door behind him.

They don’t speak for the rest of the day.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which C.C makes an appearance, and no resolutions are reached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also cannot believe the speed I am writing this.

Suzaku spends the night in Lancelot, shifting and turning to find a comfortable position. He’s furious, shaking with anger, and he clutches Euphy’s pendant to himself, willing himself to sleep. Her haunted eyes are imprinted in his memory, her broken body bleeding and seeping into his uniform. He hasn’t betrayed her memory, he _hasn’t_. He will remember her till the day he _dies_ , and something ugly within him focuses back to Lelouch in that room, trying to take pleasure in his pain, his suffering. It makes him feel worse, and the pain in his chest tightens, because no one should have to go through that, even if they _deserve_ it.

“Please stop this Suzaku.” A voice startles him, and to his shock it’s Princess Euphy, a sad expression set on her face. She looks just like he remembers her, and suddenly she’s very close, leaning over him from the cockpit, face peering over him. “You don’t need to defend my memory anymore. Forgive Lelouch if not for him, then for me.”

“Why?” He cries, anguished, clutching his head behind his hands. “Why should I? He made you kill everyone, stained your name and reputation. He _took_ you away from me.”

A soft hand tilts his chin up, and he has no choice but to face her, her gentle eyes sad and searching.

“No one questions your loyalty, your love for me. But forgiving Lelouch doesn’t diminish that.”

She leans closer, ever closer, and Suzaku closes his eyes, feeling the gentle press of lips against his own, body relaxing and breathing into the kiss. It’s chaste, sweet, and when he opens his eyes, he sees C.C instead, lips twisted into a knowing smirk.

“Because you love him too.” And he jerks awake, breath heaving and sodden with sweat. He stumbles out of the Knightmare, startling a mechanic on the way out.

In his haste, he doesn’t see the a strand of long lime green hair fall slowly to the ground.

*

When he returns, he notices the low voices of people talking in his room. The door slides open to reveal Nunnally, and they both startle and look up when he enters the room. Lelouch has made some tea, and they’re folding paper cranes together. It is such a familiar sight that Suzaku suddenly longs for it again, a time when things were much much simpler. There is a pile of paper cranes on the table, and Suzaku wonders distantly what their wishes are.

“Suzaku.” Lelouch greets awkwardly, folding an arm around himself and Nunnally’s expression becomes cold. Suzaku remembers the night she had come to him, desperate and crying, and he remembers that night he did nothing.

There’s a tense silence, and Nunnally clutches at her brother’s arm, turning her head beseechingly at him. Something passes between them, and Lelouch shakes his head minutely, and she feels the movement through his arm nonetheless.

“Be careful nii-san,” she whispers, and Suzaku feels like he’s intruded on an intensely private moment, interrupted their momentary lapse of happiness. He feels a pang of sadness; he’s never felt excluded like this with them before this moment, aware that he has lost the privilege to speak to Nunnally the moment he decided to ignore her call for help.

“Don’t worry about me Nunnally,” her brother soothes, sounding self-assured and confident. “Sayako will help you back to your quarters now.”

She tries to protest, but Lelouch just laughs it away. It isn’t until Nunnally leaves the room when the smile falls off his face abruptly, leaving Suzaku with the realisation on how easily Lelouch can switch between his masks.

*

They’re summoned to see Viceroy Cornelia, and it is received with little enthusiasm, exhausted and tired from the tension between them. They walk slowly through the corridors to the royal quarters, and it doesn’t take long for attention to gather. Noblemen and ladies mutter and whisper as they walk past them, and Suzaku can see Lelouch building his armour as he walks past, spine stiffening and expression haughtier and haughtier as they get closer to the royal quarters. It’s markedly different to the Lelouch he’s seen the past few days, but he recognises it for what it is. A cover, a front, still completely brittle, easily breakable.

“Has the Eleven found his private whore?” An amused voice calls out across the hall, and Lelouch seems to recognise the voice, spinning around like a startled rabbit.

“Luciano.” Suzaku grits out, and instinctively steps between him and Lelouch.

“So a yes hm?” Luciano cranes his neck around to get a good look at Lelouch, whom is doing his best to avoid eye contact. “Care to share him at all with your fellow comrades?”

“Don’t be crass, we’re out in public.” It’s the wrong choice of words, Suzaku knows as soon as he’s said them.

“Ah so it’d be okay in private hm?” Luciano’s eyes alight with glee, and he takes a step closer to whisper in his ear, “He loves it you know, taking cock. Doesn’t matter how many, from behind or in front, in fact -”

He reaches around to grab Lelouch’s face, thumb pressing past his lips, into his mouth, and it takes Lelouch by surprise, cringing away. Suzaku watches those lips part around his thumb, as if in slow motion, a pink tongue flicking up reactively. His expression goes dangerously blank, and Suzaku sees red.

“Don’t touch him.” He growls, every syllable punctuated with the threat of violence, and with a swift maneuver he disables the Knight, twisting his arm painfully upwards until he hears a cry of pain. “I swear if you touch him again I will personally make sure you never pilot a Knightmare again.” His tone is soft, dangerous.

“Fuck you Kururugi,” he chokes, and Suzuku wrenches his arm further up, until he knows it’s within a hair’s breadth of breaking, when a startled voice rings out.

“Kururugi! Stop that at once!”

Cornelia strides over, and takes in the scene. Her eyes flicker over Lelouch, clutching at himself like an anchor, Suzaku’s murderous expression and Luciano’s look of pure violence directed back. They’re drawing a crowd and she makes a hasty decision.

“Luciano, get that hand looked at in the infirmary. Lelouch, Suzaku, follow me.”

*

She watches them for a moment, and notices little things. Suzaku’s back is ramrod straight, attention focused, but his eyes are staring resolutely forward, avoiding looking at anything in particular. Lelouch on the other hand is shaking, pale, holding himself together by sheer stubbornness and will alone. His eyes dart towards the door multiple times, like he is cornered, or if he expects someone else to enter at any moment.

He looks so much like Marianne it hurts.

“Can anyone explain what that was about?” Her tone is hard, unforgiving. She is met with silence. “Well?”

Suzaku sends a look towards Lelouch, but the other boy is glassy eyed, distant.

“Last week I was invited to one of the private military gatherings.” Suzaku begins, haltingly.

Cornelia’s lip curls in distaste. She’s heard whispers of these events, not uncommon in the military, but she’s always employed the strategy of willful ignorance in these circumstances. The parties are sanctioned by Schneizel, and although he isn’t responsible for the _activities_ that are rumored to occur, she is still powerless to do anything in an official capacity.

“Gino alerted me to a disturbance in one of the private rooms, where I found Lelouch surrounded by a group of men. Luciano was one of them.”

Surrounded? Cornelia is missing something. She’s felt nothing but hatred towards Lelouch for Euphy’s sake, and thought that Suzaku had felt the same. It wasn’t like him to jump so steadily to his defence, and her brow furrows into a question.

“They were fucking me, your highness.” Lelouch’s voice rings out, interrupting her thoughts. “Luciano had threatened previously that he would make Suzaku watch, it seems he got his wish.”

Cornelia blanches.

*

Lelouch heads straight for his bedroom when they return, a nervous energy about him. Cornelia had agreed that the best course of action would be to lie low whilst she finds out more about the circumstances of Lelouch’s punishment, and who exactly had sanctioned these parties. Unfortunately, the grave expression on her face told them already that she knew the answer. She had offered her medical officers and military psychologists to Lelouch and he had jerked away very physically, as if the very idea offended him.

“You should take her up on her offer, you need to talk with someone qualified.”

Lelouch snorts derisively, mutters - _aren’t you qualified enough_ \- whilst changing back into Suzaku’s shirt again. Suzaku watches, transfixed, and is glad to see the bruises have faded now, pale and yellow and mottled.

“She hates me still.” Lelouch shrugs. “I can see it in her eyes. I’d be a fool to take up her offer when all she wants is to see me dead.”

And there is nothing else Suzaku can say in response to that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real, Suzaku and Lelouch have a nice moment. Not.

They spend the next few days settling into a routine. Suzaku cooks, lightly frying vegetables and making rice and fish for the two of them, trying to maintain a fragile peace. Lelouch helps him clean and does the laundry, and the room is always meticulously tidy when Suzaku returns from one of his missions. They coexist in unison, eating, sleeping, living in each other’s space, but Lelouch knows he’s out there, dismantling the Black Knights faction by faction, but he doesn’t ask when Suzaku returns, just welcomes him back with a brittle smile.

Occasionally Nunnally will pass by, her visits becoming more frequent and longer. Suzaku tries to avoid her when she visits, making a quick escape to do something or to run an errand. She is as stubborn as her brother, and although she is no longer outwardly rude to him, her steely posture reveals that she still hasn’t forgotten, nor forgiven. In retrospect, he doesn’t deserve her forgiveness, and Suzaku runs away every single time.

Their routine in the day is carefully distant, quiet and reserved. However at night, after particularly bad nightmares, Lelouch will clamber into bed with him, clutching his arm and snuggling close. It is as if the cover of night makes them braver, more open, and they settle into that routine as well, pulling away from each other as soon as the sun dawns. The first time Lelouch falls into his bed, Suzaku freezes, and then relaxes, pulling his arm around to hold him. They spend the rest of the week sleeping in the same bed, clutching at each other as Lelouch’s tremors die down.

One night Lelouch starts talking quietly, starts to reveal some of the atrocities that had happened to him. He speaks about threats against his sister, the helplessness he had felt, the positions and circumstances they had forced him into. How it had started with some soldiers walking into him whilst on the way back from the mess, drunk and violent. He reveals it all in unflinching graphic detail, and Suzaku wants to beg him to stop talking, but is unable to speak himself, frozen with horror and revulsion. Later, he holds Lelouch’s hair out of his eyes as he retches into a toilet bowl, the other hand rubbing his back in soothing circles.

Other nights they talk about the fun they had together as children, reminisce about the good days. Those nights are better, and Suzaku feels a warmth in his chest and the ice within him thaw, just a little.

Currently, they are dozing in bed, Lelouch’s head is pillowed on his chest, their legs entwined around each other. Lelouch is closer than usual, skin warm and soft. He’s restless, shifting, and when Suzaku turns to face him, there is a pause and in slow motion, Lelouch leans up and kisses him timidly, hands resting on Suzaku’s chest.

It takes Suzaku by surprise, and instinctively he pulls him closer, deepening the kiss, tongue flicking out tentatively to taste. When Lelouch opens his mouth, it is so easy to probe further, licking into him with increased fervour, shifting their positions so that Suzaku is on top of him, elbows bracketing either side of the other boy’s head.

They kiss with the passion of teenagers, clumsy and desperate and when they break away they are panting slightly, out of breath. Lelouch hooks a leg around his back, pushing their hips together. They pause, staring at each other, and despite Lelouch urging him on, Suzaku wonders why he suddenly feels so uneasy. Their breathing is uneven, loud in their ears, pulses beating rapidly at this sudden turn of events.

“Help me escape?” Lelouch whispers quietly, into the darkness of the night.

It takes a few seconds for Suzaku to digest his words, and very suddenly things become crystal clear. It is like he has been doused with cold water, the truth that had yet remained elusive now smacking him right in front of his face, and he notices things immediately that make him feel cold inside. Like the way that Lelouch’s hands are fisted, trembling and digging his nails into his palms. The barely imperceptible way his body is completely still beneath him and the nervous jut to his jaw. His eyes are clenched shut, and Suzaku realises sharply that Lelouch is terrified.

A wave of shame, anger and revulsion washes through him like a tidal wave, and Suzaku sits up immediately, putting as much space between them as possible. He had always known how manipulative Lelouch was, back as a boy, as his friend, as _Zero_. He didn’t realise until now that that was just the _beginning_ of how fucked up Lelouch vi Brittania truly is.

“Don’t you _dare_ do this to me.” He says, hoping he’s mistaken. The way that Lelouch won’t look at him, shoulders hunched defensively show him that he’s right. “After all you’ve been through, were you honestly hoping to _seduce_ me into helping you?”

He gets silence as a response.

“Did you really want me to rape you?” Suzaku hisses, anger and betrayal washing through. He’s hurt, and furious, and feels the rage pulsing under his skin as he realises that yes, Lelouch really _was_ going to go through with it. Against his better judgement, he adds spitefully, “Because there is a whole _palace_ of soldiers out there who have done that already and you don’t need to add me to the list.”

That draws a reaction, and Lelouch wrenches away from him angrily, splotches of colour high in his cheeks. He gets up from the bed and pads over to the bed stand, and with Suzaku’s growing horror he wrenches the drawer and throws down a crumpled photograph. The one he had confiscated from that soldier, the one he had labelled as obscene.

“You are a fucking hypocrite Suzaku Kururugi,” Lelouch snarls. “You say one thing and yet you do another, as long as you’re not faced with the truth you’re content to sit by idle and let the world pass you by.

“Admit it, you enjoyed watching those soldiers fuck me, and when Nunnally begged you for help when I couldn’t, you just sat there and did _nothing_!”

Lelouch’s voice rises and rises, a crescendo of hate and spite and fury.

“I’m sorry for not doing anything earlier, I’m sorry you went through that, but you can’t hold me responsible from your own mistakes.” Suzaku growls, rising to the bait. “You’re the one who decided to become Zero, you chose violence and look where it got you.” Despite this, Suzaku knows he is partially responsible, he _knows_ it, but the words don’t seem to come to him, words escaping him on autopilot instead like a man possessed. He is so _angry_ , betrayed and hurting that he can’t help it, and it has the intended effect as Lelouch pins him with a wounded stare.

“I bet you jerked off to this photo,” He adds spitefully after a pause, lips smirking cruelly. “What, are you so desperate for a girl after Euphemia that _anyone_ will do?”

Suzaku punches him. He hits Lelouch straight in the jaw and his head snaps back, falling back into the wall with a heavy thud. Suzaku advances, both an apology on his lips and his fists drawn back for another punch when Lelouch hunches over suddenly, gripping his head in pain.

“I’ll fucking kill you one day Suzaku,” he groans, hissing in pain. “Consider that a _promise_.”

He opens his eyes, and dully, Suzaku knows that their time together is over. Because Lelouch’s left eye is glowing red, the Geass symbol shining like it had never disappeared in the first place.

*

Suzaku races to the royal quarters, pulse racing in panic. He has no idea what to do, glad for the first time that he is immune to Lelouch’s gaze. He doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh at the irony; the fact that he’s finally grateful for that command to _live_ , just so he is able to react so swiftly in this circumstance.

He is surprised to find Cornelia fully dressed and awake, as she opens the door to his fierce knocking.

“Why are you not with Lelouch?” Cornelia asks him, eyes wide and panicked at his sudden appearance.

“I restrained him and left him in my quarters, _his_ _Geass_ _has_ _returned_.”

Cornelia pales very visibly.

“Did you blindfold him?” She screeches, alarm flashing across her face. At Suzaku’s questioning glance, she elaborates. “Schneizel just sent his soldiers to retrieve the two of you for further questioning.”

“ _Shit_.” Suzaku swears vehemently, and they run out of the room, sprinting as fast as they can.

When they finally make it back to Suzaku’s quarters, heaving and out of breath, the door is half open. Lelouch is nowhere to be seen, but there are a trail of bodies in the room, eyes wide and blank, bodies limp and angled grotesquely.

Slowly, from under the door, a pool of ruby red blood spreads, viscous and fluid.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Thanks for sticking with me through this. Sorry it took so long. *hides*

Lelouch’s rampage across the palace lasts four hours.

In retrospect they are taken completely by surprise, not prepared at all for the consequences as Lelouch wreaks havoc. It is the middle of the night, and he takes out the camera tower first, telling the operators to lock the door from the inside. By the time they knock down the door, the cameras are smoking and charred, the operators unconscious and reeling from the effects of Geass. Schneizel mobilises his soldiers, but when they make it to Suzaku’s quarters, a trail of bodies lie in their wake; those unlucky enough to be awake at this time. The palace teeters on the edge of hysteria, and people are warned to lock themselves in their quarters, not to answer the door to anyone at all. 

Suzaku realises at the time that there is a methodical way in which Lelouch is operating. It isn’t a coincidence that the first target is the camera tower. They are on the back foot, and Lelouch sends various people to their deaths all over the place, bodies strewn carelessly across every section of the palace. Trails of blood are left in the corridors, grotesque and glistening as soldiers march hurriedly from door to door. They know from Zero’s tactics before that he is likely stationed somewhere, commanding people to die in all sorts of places so not to reveal his location, but the death count is becoming intolerable. 

Suzaku is stuck on cleanup duty, and despite his vehement protests Schneizel had pinned him with one look.

“You are too compromised. Let my men do their work.”

So Suzaku cleans, loads bodies into trolleys, and tries not to replay the last few months in his head, wondering how things had fucked up this badly. He watches the nurses attend to the wounded, helps them load up the trolley of victims zipped up in body bags, dog tags tucked neatly in place. He paces, and realises suddenly with a start that the dead all have something in common. They’re all  _ soldiers _ , all men. He rushes back to the pile of body bags, and yanks the zips down randomly, a nearby nurse squeaking in surprise. Beneath the blood and the gore, he recognises the face distantly, as one of the men he had pulled Lelouch away from that night, the night that had started everything.

He sprints out of the room. 

*

In the end, Suzaku finds Lelouch in the soldiers wing, surrounded by dead bodies and blood. Lelouch sees him advancing down the corridor and he immediately turns tail and runs, trying to outpace him. Suzaku takes on a burst of speed and grabs onto the back of his shirt, and Lelouch tries to punch him, limbs flailing. With some effort, Suzaku manages to tackle him to the ground, and he sits on him, straddling his hips and pinning his hands to the floor. Lelouch screams, tries to bite him, and he mercilessly twists him around, pinning his hands back together, tying them together with his jacket. 

Lelouch had always been physically weak, and Suzaku doesn’t budge an inch as Lelouch tries to buck him off, hips and body thrusting fruitlessly. He howls, incandescent with rage and fury, and Suzaku just sits there, grip tightening around his wrists as Lelouch’s breaths become more haggard. He lets him struggle, and when Lelouch starts to realise he is completely trapped, he starts to shake, strangled laughter escaping him in short bursts. He sounds insane, deranged, and slowly Suzaku sees his resolve start to crumble, violet eyes blinking away furious tears.

“Don’t look at me like that Suzaku.” He snarls, almost defensively. “They fucking deserved it.”

“I know.” Suzaku murmurs, and he watches, transfixed, as a single tear escapes Lelouch’s lashes, falling onto the floor. Suzaku brushes a hand softly against his cheek, thumb wiping away a splatter of blood. The tender gesture catches Lelouch off guard for a second, and slowly his expression twists in disgust. Piece by piece Suzaku can see the parts of him start to crumble and falter, and slowly, Lelouch starts to cry. 

“Please don’t take me back there.” He begs, clutching at Suzaku like a lifeline. “I can’t do it, I’ll kill everyone in this palace if I have to go through that again. Don’t  _ make _ me-“ And he dissolves into incoherent tears.

It shocks Suzaku into silence. He has never seen him so vulnerable before, not in all their years together, and Lelouch is  _ begging _ him with everything he has left. Without hesitation, Suzaku folds himself around him, taking him into his arms. He feels Lelouch’s weaker frame against his; shaking and trembling from the ugly sobs wracking his frame, and he hugs him tighter, trying for a small moment to protect him for a second longer.  _ Fuck Britannia _ , he thinks, and for a traitorous second, he wonders what would happen if he decided to burn the whole palace down.

Schneizel’s soldiers find them curled up against the wall like that, Lelouch fast asleep and hidden in Suzaku’s tight embrace. They start to advance, only to be stopped short as Suzaku gives them a single baleful look, daring them to move one inch further.

*

During the trial, they dig out some old camera footage, what little they can find before Lelouch gutted the entire system.

They watch Lelouch stagger out of Suzaku’s quarters, watch as he retches up the contents of his stomach in the corridor. He takes a few moments to compose himself, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve, and he heads straight towards the west wing exit, clutching at himself, as if trying to provide some measure of comfort. There’s a part of Suzaku that wills that figure in the grainy image to keep heading that way, to escape, but Lelouch just pauses at the junction of corridors leading to the escape hangar one way, and the other to the soldiers wing.

_ Escape you idiot, _ Suzaku thinks desperately.

Lelouch barely gives the exit a glance.

*

When Lelouch sees him next, he raises his head from his bunk, peering cautiously in the dark. His eyes are haggard, and he’s lost even more weight, hair limp and dull. He looks like a boy who has nothing left to live for, and Suzaku feels his heart clench, not liking the listless way his friend is slumped against his bunk. It firms his resolve, and Suzaku takes a step forward and perches on the bed, casting a hand through Lelouch’s hair, thumb stroking his cheek. Lelouch leans into it slightly, and closes his eyes with a shaky exhale of breath, and Suzaku unlocks the cuffs around his wrists, rubbing the circulation gently back into them, fine boned and delicate. He could snap them so easily, he thinks, pressing and rubbing firmly in circles, and Lelouch barely acknowledges him, grunting in pain when Suzaku hits a tender spot.

Suzaku is glad suddenly that he has made his decision, regardless of the consequences.

“I made a deal.” He says, into the silence. Lelouch doesn't respond. “I have pledged my loyalty to Brittania. In return, they will return you to Ashford.”

At that Lelouch looks up, eyes widening with surprise and Suzaku can’t bear to meet his gaze.

“Thankyou,” he whispers tremulously, a quiet exhale in the darkness, and he shifts over to make space in his bunk, turning to face the wall. Suzaku pauses, just for a second, and he gets in gingerly, pulling Lelouch flush against him and circling his arms around his waist.

*

Lelouch knows something is wrong as soon as he steps into the throne room. Suzaku feels it in the way he instantly stiffens, and whirls around to shoot him a look full of betrayal. 

“Please tell me what’s going on.” He says, and Suzaku can already see him preparing to run. 

“This is better in the long run.” He tries to reason, and he knows it isn’t enough as Lelouch backs away from him, eyes wide and watery. Suzaku’s grip on his wrist tightens, and he has to drag him to Charles, the Emperor watching them with a small curl to his lips.

In the end, Suzaku has to wrestle Lelouch to the ground, pinning him with his body weight and wrapping his jacket around his arms to restrain him, and Lelouch tries to claw at his face, bucking with all his strength. Suzaku reacts with instinct, and he slams Lelouch down onto the floor, a hand pressed down on his throat, and then instantly restracts as Lelouch starts to cough, gagging as he tries to breathe. He feels sick, and suddenly an extreme wave of violence rushes through him, whitens out his vision until he can’t feel anything other than the thundering in his heart.

“Stop spectating,” he snarls at Charles. “Wipe his memory now.”

There’s a broken little sound beneath him, and Lelouch stares at him, mouth wide, like he can’t believe what is happening right now. For the second time in just a few days, Lelouch starts to cry.

“Suzaku. Please, I’m begging you. Don’t do this to me.” He cries. “I’m begging you, just stop this.”

Suzaku avoids his gaze. It’s for the best, he thinks, and he wills him to understand, how this is better, how he won’t remember anything and he can go back to Nunnally and Ashford and -

and Charles smiles, eyes flashing with geass.

“Very well.”

*

Time slows down for Suzaku, in the days after the  _ incident _ , and he approaches his days methodically, rising in the morning to go on a run, sprinting around the compound until his legs are shaking and until he can taste blood at the back of his throat. He approaches missions with a ruthless efficiency which gains him the fear and respect he has always craved, and at night he wills his eyes shut, trying not to think about the empty space beside him. He spends his days in a routine, eating and sleeping and fighting, but occasionally he will head down to mission control, making the long walk down, swiping his card in the elevator.

He types his clearance into the terminal, taps his fingers against the desk as he waits for the recordings for that day to load, and the grainy image appears on screen.

It is a sunny day at Ashford Academy today, and Lelouch wakes up with a yawn, stretching and scratching his stomach blearily. He heads to breakfast slowly, and runs into Shirley on the way there, and Suzaku stares, watching Lelouch laughs openly and starts to tease her as she blushes bright red.

He spends the day skipping classes, playing chess and reading in the gardens, looking peaceful and at ease in his surroundings. He finishes the day with a walk around the campus, and returns back late, clicking the door open. He walks through the door and sees paper cranes at the table, and he murmurs something, too quiet for Suzaku to hear in the footage. Rollo looks back at Lelouch and smiles softly, greeting him back in return.

fin


End file.
